Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing
Thursday, Dec. 01, 2005 - 7:44 p.m.
WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.
Kiss Kiss Bye Bye
i just feel exhausted.
what are you doing tonight?
having marie over for supper to work something out.
yay.
who knows what that means.
custody and timeshare of his kids?
whether they'll stay together but date other people?
work something out.
yay.
let's just say that when she is over for supper (sans 12 yr old ears) to work something out, I am not over there drawing while he works on his music. Let's just say.
kisses goodbye on the cheeks again.
if only i didn't need to rearrange my life in order to be the vaguest bit available to spend time with someone... after all, if I keep to my normal schedule, I sleep til noon, am doing business shit til 3:30 pm, then drawing in a coffeeshop far from telephone and email til I walk the dog from 5:30-6:30, then work all night. Often I go to the coffeeshop to work til it closes (10pmish) or go to the gym til it closes (10:30 pm), and then I pop home quickly to pick up doggies for her walk. Get home about 11:30 pm.
Do you see time there for having supper with someone, or hanging out after they get home from work and before they go to bed? no. Do you even see that I am home at times when people are likely to call? no. I have free time usually after 1am. If I get my work done.
So, if I don't want to be completely unavailable I have to do things like go to the gym in the afternoon instead of in the evening, or do all the work that needs to be done at home in the afternoon, so that I could perhaps do other work (that doesn't take paintbrushes, large tables etc) at someone's house. It means calling THEM while I am in the house for five minutes between coffeeshop/postoffice/dogwalkies/coffeeshop/gym/dogwalkies.
And then finding out that I have free evenings with no plans.
It is depressing.
Although I think that most things right now feel depressing.
Let's just say I feel like I wasted my hairwashing and putting on clean jeans that actually fit and nice sweater. (note, I usually have a bath late at night ie 4am, before I go to bed, which is not compatible with looking good to see people in the early evening either, so even bodily cleansing and dressing are rearranged if I want to see anyone).
It's ok, I took them off.
Off to work at the coffeeshop.
I have a cold too.... things you pick up sharing a fork, beer bottle and kissing someone who has a kid horking up green stuff. and that makes me feel so much better.
I feel like I should be on the Adams Family.
later.
me
wenchie.
tired of life
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previous meanderings - future past
Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009
