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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Saturday, Jan. 22, 2005 - 4:21 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Painting around the Bush

Oh goddamn fuckity. I wrote more than half an essay and pressed the wrong button.. "control" instead of "shift". Suddenly the entry box went completely blank. Why? who the fuck knows. Will I repeat the previously written brilliant set of paragraphs? No I will not.

So, I was saying many pithy things, comparing myself to David Suzuki, Ghandi and Mother Theresa, yes it is true.... (I won't tell you just how I came out in comparison... deary me) but I will pick up exactly where I left off...

Which was to say I am procrastinating on starting the actual colored Leo's Dog drawings... I DID do a color trial of the main character... Leo's Dog himself, as he will appear on the cover:

copyright 2005 Wench77

You can see he looks pretty good (unfortunately the blue sky behind his head on the right side didn't scan well so you cannot see so well where his white whiskers end)... so of course that should have heartened me to go forward and onward confidently to the actual REAL finals? hahahaha.

What I started coloring in then was this:

Does that look like a dog? no it is a bridge. Go forward to kindergarten. yeah. So I am daring to do the bridge, cuz it doesn't have to match anything and I cannot really fuck it up. I am a chickenshit. Oh well, at least it is a page in the book.

Of course now that I am finally getting going on the Leo's Dog book, what happens? The Adult Language Ed people have reappeared. Yes, they hired me to do work that had a Jan 15th deadline. And they are giving me a sign of life, the first since Dec 22, um, today. Yes, they want me to do changes and go ahead to finals NOW. Goddamn. Fortunately they don't need the finals for two weeks, so I can squeeze it in here and there. But of course the South Korea people will hand me two whole books of work in five days. Yes, five days. Goddamn. Can you say overbooked? Can you say I shouldve been doing this book over Christmas? Sigh.

Other than that, I have a few photos. Here are some pictures of Doggy's Ear... when it was operated on. You can see the outside of it looks sort of like a quilt, and the inside of it looks well, like the inside of an ear someone has quilted. Youch. Fortunately it seems to be going very well now... the stitches are all gone, the hair is growing back, and it is a wee bit puffy on the edge but seems to be healing. Yay.

And this is all the pleas for charity money from all the nonprofit places that send mailings for me, all spread out on my floor at the end of Dec, sorted by sender. Wow huh. The pain is that now I am getting calls for helping out school lunch programs, and sending kids to weekend camp or whatever. And i have totally overspent my budget about three times over on food baskets for Christmas, and those envelopes you see on the floor, and the tsunami... and really I didn't give much to the tsunami. But I fail to see how I can cough up more than $500 in one month while doing Christmas AND being in the hole at the same time. Dang. STOP CALLING ME!! I hate having to say "sorry, no".

Egads... they are talking on the radio about Bush wanting to bring democracy to the bloody whole world. Which they point out means declaring war on all governments which are NOT democracies. Lovely lovely. Condoleeza Rice has apparently said something like that means "harsh and hostile measures against countries they feel are a threat to the USA or who stand in the way of democracy" or something like that. Oh yoopee. Let's see... that is like um, three quarters of the world? China, Saudi Arabia, North Korea, oh let's just declare everyone has to wear pink underwear with My Little Pony as well, while we're deciding to realistically remake the world in four years.

And they have inspired such CONFIDENCE in Iraq... the way it is so much safer and more peaceful now that Saddam is out and the Americans have stepped in. How everything is under control, and orderly, gosh, yes, so inspiring! If I were in a well-functioning theocracy or a dictatorship or a communist country, I would just DIE to have the US start shock and awe to bring elections to me. I mean, instead of committing suicide, or provoking the dictator with unflattering poetry, i could just join the American-sponsored police force and the chances are someone'd off me within a month, eh! And since it was for democracy and freedom, I'd be SURE to go to heaven and sit at the table with Jesus, even if I were Buddhist or Hindu. Yup. YAY for the brilliant cowboy. Stupid fart. He doesn't even seem to realize that the US has ALWAYS supported whomever the damn well was the most convenient and easy to work with... most of the time NOT democratically elected officials, but rather tyrannical dictators. Can we say "we trained and patted Saddam on the back"?


On another front, I broke down and called Disappearing Boy. He seemed quite indifferent and wrapped up in his painting at his parent's place. Yay for having rearranged my whole livingroom which I liked very much thankyou, so that he could use it for a studio to work in. He was last drawing in it Thursday last. He didn't mention having a good time fucking around for hours on end on Monday. Nor suggest that he might come by or even be interested in coming by in the near future. He only said that the painting was going well, so he had to get back to it...

Oh yoouppee. I am so glad I make an effort. I shouldve never fooled around with him. Before that he dropped by unannounced or called to say hi two or three times a week, as well as offering use of his car blah blah blah.

And people wonder why I'm single.

All it takes is one successful date to make em run for the hills. Or at least suddenly find their previous studio and life fantastically attractive. I would prefer if I had a BAD time with people, at least them changing gears and backtracking would make sense. I won't even START enumerating the number of times this has happened. With romantic potentials, with friendship potentials, with playdate potentials. blah blah blah.

I guess it is good cuz I'll not waste my time sucking face with anyone and I will eat in front of my puter so I will get my buddies' diaries and my emails read, instead of actually having a meal with wine with another human being in the kitchen at the table. What a waste of time. Whose life has time for such frivolities as eating with another human being?

Anyhews, I am getting grumpy writing about this so I will get back to work. Time to forget about the sexy underwear and go back to wearing the longjohns for days on end. yay.


ps, go back one to read a previous quick entry tonight, thanks.

Here is my horoscope for Friday, January 21:

You can always capture and hold someone's interest. Go beyond the nebulous realm of promises into the science of undeniable forecasts. Prove that the real world is made up of seductive evidence like yours.

Mwahahahahaha!! yeah right whatever.

ps, it is REALLY cold here... minus 25C or minus 27C or something with a stiff wind. Brrr. Crazily they are predicting above freezing on Wed and Thursday. I'd be happy with just some fluffy snow and minus ten. Slush, freeze, ice, slush, freeze, ice. Sigh. Cheers! Back to work.. IF I do something wonderful before I get to bed I'll sleep better. I give myself til 6am.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009

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