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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Saturday, Dec. 04, 2004 - 1:15 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Life's About Partners And Kids

"Life's about friendships, the way you love your partner, the way you care for your children. That is what life is about. Not anything about earning a hundred zillion dollars because you toured America more than anyone else. I want life to be about creativity."
- Joe Strummer, former lead singer for the Clash rock band.

I got that over at Connie-cobb's place.

Hmm, yes, another of those "life is the time spent with your family, your loved ones" quotes.


It is always so funny how when I express desire to have a family, to be in a couple, to have kids... you know, a family... that people get all downplaying it. "oh, relationships you're better off without" and "life is just as good without a family" or "are you so needy you need kids to make your life worthwhile?" or "you should be thankful you aren't strapped down by kids and a partner".

Now how is it that these things are the most important things until I want them? And then it is a sign of pathological neediness and dependence?? Weird.

Let's just say that it is really hard for your life to be about your friendships when your friends are busy with THEIR partners and kids and families. THEN I feel pathologically needy and pitiful, when they are all busy tucking kids in, buying plane tickets to visit their inlaws with their wives, planning holidays with the extended family, having a romantic video night at home cuz the kids are at the grandma's, can't go for coffee after the meeting cuz they have to pick the kids up at daycare. Uhhuh.

And then of course I get busy with my own projects to fill in the dead time.

And people say "oh you're too busy to have time for someone" "you're involved in so many things you don't have time to meet somebody".

Well, what the hell am I supposed to do. Waiting and hoping and keeping time free that isn't used is desperate and sad. Filling up the time with personal projects is selfish and counterproductive if I want a relationship.

Now we know why women used to go to finishing school or teach grade one, so that they were "doing something" but not something so important that they couldn't drop it like a hotcake if the chance for partner and family came along. None of that career track stuff... then when you get asked on a date you are like "oh, sorry, I have to study for my phd" or "gee, I'd love to but I have to work tonight to pay my mortgage".

My gosh.

How do you win this one.

Hey, I actually had an erotic dream two nights ago... the night I slept ten hours. What is up with that? Ms. Has No Desire, Couldn't Give a Fuck, A Date What is That, Sex Life Is That Something On the Nature Channel. Haha.

Well, end of this entry.

Has everyone looked at the dog sketches and the watercolor pics? I guess if I didn't feel so sleepy I could work on one of them projects. I'll think about it. Maybe I'll work on my hedonism and have a grilled cheese when it isn't even bedtime. Oh the gluttony!!


Here is my horoscope for Friday, December 3:

You're in quite the mood -- and with you feeling this fiery and assertive, your partner is due for a really pleasant surprise. Why not add to it by inviting them out to a really extravagant dinner?

Mwahahahahaha! Too funny. I did eat the leftover tuna souffle though.

Ps, just for something completely unrelated, here is a site called Lovesick Corrective Apparel. Very nice stuff.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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